A short story as a break from training, inspired by a friend and an interest in programming. Written March 31, 2016.
Sam - Alex S - What is your name? A - Alex. And yours? S - I’m Sam. Do you know why you’re here? A - Yes. It’s for a test of some sort. S - That’s right. I’m going to ask you a series of questions, and I want you to answer them as best as you can. A - Has the test started? S - It’s best if you don’t know when the test starts or ends. A - Why is that? S - It’ll make the test more accurate if you don’t know its parameters. It means your answers will carry less bias. A - But you’ll know when the test has started, and you’ll know when it ends. S - Yes. A - Okay, ask away. S - Can you describe for me the room you are in? A - Uhuh. Sure. I’m sitting in a leather computer chair with a monitor and keyboard in front of me. The rest of the room is plain. How ‘bout you? S - Hmm? A - Your room. Is it the same as mine? S - No. I’m in an office cubicle. Plastic chair. What do you do? A - When? S - Sorry, what’s your profession? A - I’m a student. Third year uni, studying mechatronic engineering. I love electrical, but the programming course just doesn’t agree with me. It’s a constant struggle. S - What made you want to do Mechatronic Engineering in the first place? A - Well, it was a little down on the preferences when I was applying for uni degrees, but I’ve always been interested in the physical side of machines; construction, replication, substitution and all that jazz. Plus, when the machines take over, it seems like understanding and having made them might give me an upper hand in surviving the resulting nuclear wasteland. S - So you’re planning for the apocalypse. Are you always this morbidly pessimistic? A - I don’t plan on dying. I don’t feel that’s all that morbid. I would say I’m an open-minded realist. I’m not saying the machine driven nuclear apocalypse is inevitable, just leaving it within the realm of possibility seems reasonable to me, as long as that doesn’t negatively impact on the rest of my life, and the probability that it won’t come to pass in my lifetime. You don’t think it’s at least plausible as an off chance? S - I like keeping fantasy and reality separate for the sake of my sanity. A - So what happens when your perception of what is fantasy seeps into your reality? Where do you draw the line? And is it really up to you? Others will alter what is possible. Reality and what is real constantly changes, and is not within your control. S - Then I will adjust my perceptions accordingly at the time, but not before. A - You trust your immediate senses and experience more than you trust your reasoning and imagination? How do you assess risk and reward if you are unwilling to accept all potential outcomes? How do you justify implying my insanity based on your insular, limited perceptions of reality? Jaime - Charlie J - Hey there. C - Hi! J - So, what do you call yourself? C - I’m Charlie, who’re you? J - Jaime, pleased to meet you. C - Me too! J - Cool. I’m going to ask you some questions, and probably then the reasons why you chose the answer that you will. Does that make sense? C - Uh… I’m … not sure? J - Well, we’ll see how you go. I’ll help you out if something doesn’t make sense. First question. If you had to choose, for the rest of your life, between being wheelchair bound, we’ll say paralysed from below the waist or a double amputee through the femurs; OR; unable to use any form of motorised transport, so bicycles, rowboats and so on, but no cars, planes et cetera, which would you choose? C - I guess I’d have to go with… the wheelchair. J - Why? C - Well, it’s a big world. I guess I want to see a lot of it, and I wouldn’t be able to do that in a rowboat or a bike. At least not easily. J - It’s not a right or wrong thing, don’t worry about your answers, just say what you think you’d choose in the situation. C - Okay. J - Next question. Cheese or chocolate? You can have one, but not the other for the rest of your life. C - Chocolate. That’s an easy one. I hate cheese. J - You hate cheese? Do you also hate flavour and substance? Do you loath the idea of satisfaction and variety? C - What? You said there couldn’t be a wrong answer. Why are you making me feel like I choose the wrong thing? J - I said there weren’t any wrong answers, I never said anything about all reasons being equal. You hate cheese. That’s a strong statement. C - Well, I do. It smells funny and has a weird texture. J - Let’s not get stuck on this. We’ll have to agree that you’re wrong on this count and move on. C - But I don’t like cheese. How is that wrong? J - We’re moving on. Question 3. You can be transported to any century, at this year in that century, but once there you’ll remain their for the rest of your life. Which century do you choose? C - Can I choose this one? J - Well, yes. But it’s probably the only objectively incorrect answer to this question. C - What, why do you say that? It’s by far the safest choice. J - You’re being given something incredibly valuable. The ability to travel through time. It’s an unimaginably invaluable gift to have bestowed upon you. People would kill for a chance at this opportunity. And you’re saying no. C - Well, that choice is mine to make. It doesn’t matter what other people would do for it. Any century other than this one is probably worse. In the past there were all those diseases and wars. In the future there’ll be all the results of all the bad things we’ve done to the planet this century to have to deal with. I’d say it looks really miserable everywhere else but here. Charlie - Sam C - Hi there! I’m Charlie, what’s your name? S - Sam. C - Hi Sam, how are you? S - I’m fine. C - That’s great to hear. Do you mind if I ask what you had for breakfast? S - No. C - No, you don’t mind or no you don’t want to tell me? S - No I don’t mind. C - Excellent. So what did you have for breakfast? S - I don’t eat breakfast. C - Why not? S - It’s beneath me. C - It’s beneath you to eat breakfast? S - Please stop repeating what I say as a question. I do not like to have to say the same thing twice. C - Okaaay. Uh, where do you live? S - I refuse to answer that question due to religious reasons. C - Oh, what religion do you follow? S - Pastafarianism. C - I haven’t heard of that, what is it? S - It’s the belief that all lesser life forms should be subject to the laws of darwinian evolution by a removal of restrictions and warnings that would otherwise protect the unwitting from a timely and holistically beneficial demise. C - What do you consider a lesser life form? S - Well, not you for starters. C - Thanks! S - You’re welcome. C - So what do you do for a living? S - I’m an insurance salesman. I sell insurance. C - Is that fun? S - I achieve great enjoyment from the suffering of others. This makes people believe they are protected from further suffering, but for the most part it just increases risky behaviour and is unlikely to reward them at the other end. It’s reverse gambling, where the house still always wins. C - Winning’s good. S - You’re a quick one. C - Thanks! Alex - Jaime A - What’s your name? J - Jaime, pleased to meet you. And you may be? A - You can call me Alex. J - I guess I will. A - Awesome, so that’s out of the way. Into the business. What are your thoughts on the future? J - The future of what? A - Anything. Whatever subject you choose. You get to predict it. J - Well, tomorrow I’ve got a dental appointment that I’ve been putting off for the past little while. I’m thinking I’ll need a few crowns and will not have the money to pay for it. A - Okay, maybe I should have been a little more specific. Let’s see. What are you interested in? J - I do pottery and jewelcrafting in my spare time. A - Well that sounds productive, but not really what I was hoping for here. But sure, let’s go with that. Are you concerned about the ramifications of the potential of artificial intelligence replacing the working man? For example, 3D printers replacing manual jewelery and crockery creation? J - It’s not something that I invest, nor intend to invest, in. I do handiwork for the pleasure of it, and mostly as gifts. I don’t chase it for its financial rewards. Plus, I don’t see handmade products losing their appeal in the face of mass production, in fact they’ll likely be more sought after due to a sense of uniqueness. The value will lie in the imperfections. A - How long will our appreciation of human error last? Or do you think it will never cease to be desired? J - As long as humans last, human error will last, and people will always find a desire to seek companionship, connection, in any way they can, even if only through inanimate objects crafted by human hand.
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